Behavioural changes
I have been thinking on y this is so? Suggestions welcome! :)
There was this newly wed girl who came here to join her hubby. I liked her as I found her bubbly & enthusiastic. We used to meet up once in a while & have a nice chat. Once she even self invited herself & her hubby for lunch @ my place. We were ofcourse not the best of pals but then whenever we met up, it was good n lively.
Then suddenly (for no reason....according to me) she kind of stopped speaking to me ie a very cold hello or a half smile & no talk, whenever we met. (@ some social gatherings, parties or during shopping etc.) I didnt find a need y she had to behave thus. But me being me, reciprocated the same to her henceforth.
It was going on thus & I heard she was pregnant. I thot I wld wish her whenever I bump into her. But unfortunately she had a mis-carriage. I felt very sad for her but again never got an opportunity to meet her.
A few days later there was a big party @ a common friends place where both of us were invited. And suddenly there she starts to speak to me as if nothing is wrong....like how she used to talk to me originally. I was amused @ these behavioural changes.
This time too I reciprocated her behaviour tho I wasnt keen. I think I did so more out of compassion cos I felt sorry for her cos of her miscarriage.
Anyway - what made me blog abt this sort of human behaviour changes?
There used to be an Indian Banker in one of the Indian banks here. He was kind of dumb, unfriendly & very unhelpful to other fellow Indians. Most people found it difficult to deal with him including me. It was even worse cos his predecessor was just the opposite. He even used to go out of his way to help others.
Most people had learned to put up with this person & with no much choice accepted him too!
Unfortunately on new years day, we got this horrible news that this man, his wife & his daughter died in a very tragic road accident. It was just so so shocking! I was also v.sad & felt sorry for him. Now upon hearing this horrible news all people overcome with grief & sorrow started saying all good things about the dead man.
Why are we thus? Should we say nice things only when something tragic / unpleasant happens? When a person is gone forever? While a person is alive we hardly ever appreciate......Why is the human attitude thus?????
There was this newly wed girl who came here to join her hubby. I liked her as I found her bubbly & enthusiastic. We used to meet up once in a while & have a nice chat. Once she even self invited herself & her hubby for lunch @ my place. We were ofcourse not the best of pals but then whenever we met up, it was good n lively.
Then suddenly (for no reason....according to me) she kind of stopped speaking to me ie a very cold hello or a half smile & no talk, whenever we met. (@ some social gatherings, parties or during shopping etc.) I didnt find a need y she had to behave thus. But me being me, reciprocated the same to her henceforth.
It was going on thus & I heard she was pregnant. I thot I wld wish her whenever I bump into her. But unfortunately she had a mis-carriage. I felt very sad for her but again never got an opportunity to meet her.
A few days later there was a big party @ a common friends place where both of us were invited. And suddenly there she starts to speak to me as if nothing is wrong....like how she used to talk to me originally. I was amused @ these behavioural changes.
This time too I reciprocated her behaviour tho I wasnt keen. I think I did so more out of compassion cos I felt sorry for her cos of her miscarriage.
Anyway - what made me blog abt this sort of human behaviour changes?
There used to be an Indian Banker in one of the Indian banks here. He was kind of dumb, unfriendly & very unhelpful to other fellow Indians. Most people found it difficult to deal with him including me. It was even worse cos his predecessor was just the opposite. He even used to go out of his way to help others.
Most people had learned to put up with this person & with no much choice accepted him too!
Unfortunately on new years day, we got this horrible news that this man, his wife & his daughter died in a very tragic road accident. It was just so so shocking! I was also v.sad & felt sorry for him. Now upon hearing this horrible news all people overcome with grief & sorrow started saying all good things about the dead man.
Why are we thus? Should we say nice things only when something tragic / unpleasant happens? When a person is gone forever? While a person is alive we hardly ever appreciate......Why is the human attitude thus?????
posted by Has to be me @ 4:08 PM
43 Comments:
At 5:07 PM,
Patty said…
Guilt is a powerful motivator.
Maybe one feels guilty about the way they interacted with the person when things were status quo, or maybe one just feels guilty to think about the pain and suffering that the person and/or their loved ones are going through, understanding the reality that while you are not going through this directly, it could one day be you.
At 7:11 PM,
Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said…
I guess Personal life also plays a major role in behavioral changes.
May b she was nt ok with the day2day activities and hence reflectd 2 u as well. But its nt gud being this way :)
At 8:53 PM,
Rakesh said…
there is always a reason for everything. one might not understand them from a distance. But trust me there is a reason for every change. cuz without reason there is no necessity to change.
- blog hopper, rakesh
At 11:09 PM,
starry said…
Interesting post.Made me think.I think we all tend to remember the good when something tragic happens.It would be hurtful to say bad things about someone after they died.As for your friend maybe she was not very comfortable with herself and now that she is she can openly talk.
At 3:35 AM,
Vidya said…
People come in different shapes , sizes and personalities !! The best we can do is to pre-judge them !
If they are our friends, then we can ask them straight out if they have a problem. Otherwise, "hey how you doing ? I am fine , thank you ! Bye "
:D
Vidya
P.S Interesting post !
At 7:06 AM,
Mukund said…
Speaking ill of the dead isn't in good taste, I guess....
apparam eppadi irukkeenga? namma blog pakkam konjam etti paatha nanna irukkum :)
At 8:47 AM,
Krithika said…
Awesome thought!..
n it's cos the human being is one major hypocrite
At 3:30 PM,
Ganesh Ranganathan said…
maybe it was due to the surging hormones in her pregnancy...then again, what do I know about female behavior...it still remains one of the enigmas of modern science...
At 6:03 PM,
By Deepa and Supriya said…
hmm....well, maybe it is the finality of death in the second case, in the first case..I dunno, I probably would have at least questioned her if I cared enought to continue the friendship, if I did not then I would just say hello, be polite and move on.
At 11:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
interesting post - some people are like that I guess, if they get offended by whaterver you said or did, they would rather keep quiet and give you a cold shoulder instead of clearing it with you.
I would have probably asked her when she suddenly started being friendly second time around.
At 4:11 AM,
Anonymous said…
H2bee: Happy Pongal to you.
It reminds me of the game show here "deal/no deal". People are opportunist and go on with that. Some people get along only if they feel if the other person status equals or lower than them. How mean?? Behavior changes every other day...
At 6:21 PM,
Princess said…
very true.
I think most people's importance is well understood in their absence only.
How r u? Do stop by at my place :)
frnd of urs,
Aiz.
At 7:16 PM,
prithz said…
Wonderful post. Made me think!
It human nature to feel sympathetic. guess dats y people react so different at times.
At 6:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hmmm,HTBM, Interesting Psychoanalysis of human behaviour ! very True about what you've said, Interestingly ,everyday we do keep crossing our paths with so many people, who are in a way making us feel acutely conscious of the distinct differences between each person who is , most definitely not been created identical ;)
It's sometimes hard to understand the logic behind their behavioural changes & sometimes even more hard to avoid obnoxious people and experiences which are likely to give an allergic reaction. Guess, It's a world filled with unique species... hee hee.
At 6:18 AM,
Anonymous said…
Me again, I do agree with Pria too :)
At 7:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
I guess your friend had some hidden reason to why she didn't talk to you.. Now that she has overcomed it, I guess you can give her another chance for her 'change of attitude' :)
At 8:30 AM,
srijithunni said…
It is material attachment, which creates such changes in behaviour and attitude is what I feel. Something sad for one is sad for others as well. At least we have not downgraded ourselves by being happy about another person`s misery. That atleast is the light at the end of the tunnel, which is definitely encouraging.
Nice post..~
With Best Regards and Season`s Greetings.
Srijith.
At 3:01 PM,
barbi bharadwaj said…
to blog or not? is never in a blogger's mind tapes. why stop blogging?
btw, plz remove those edit me links in ur sidebar.
also its long since i have blogrolled u and no reciprocation still now..
plz do BLOG! :-)
At 8:04 PM,
Sat said…
hmmm...tricky...
about that friend of yours, sometimes may be because there's plain moody, soemtimes, you might've done something that upset them and u're unaware of...soemtimes, may be you get a doppelganger which is turning things in the opposite way for you...or god knows she's got one :D
And about people saying good things when one's dead...i guess it's because some people believing in respecting the dead...guess that's out of fear that they might come back to haunt them :D so they try and say nice things about them to make the spirits happy :)
Or it might be plainly out of sympathy...that this person wasn't all that bad to have died!...he had his good points as well...
Ah...my lousy attempt at explaining things!
At 9:46 PM,
Arunprasad Durairaj said…
nice thot ... i also think of these sometimes...
is it this way ?Let me take my neighbor - he is notorious -complaining - with few good qulaities. I always comlain and fight wid him hoping he might change and be a PERFECT neighbor one day . But wen he is gone for ever (i mean expired), I know that none of my shoutings gonna change him for ever - along wid it sympathy also joins hands..making the situation worse - we end up thinking only good things about him.. this may not be the best answer to ur blog.. but this is atleast wat i can think of..
At 10:16 PM,
KK said…
I think its a common situation that most of them wud have come across... For such situations, I have reacted the same way as you did... Human beings are so kind that knowingly we dont want to hurt anyone's feeling when that person is going through a rough time in their life... :) inspite of having a grudge on them...
At 12:33 AM,
Something to Say said…
I guess the finality of death - makes you want to sympathize - and say good things 'now that the person isint around'. In the first case..... I dunno why people suddenly change and then come back as if nothing has happened...
At 2:42 AM,
Keshi said…
Great thought-provoking post girl.
different ppl behave so very differently. I guess the human mind is so very complex that no one will ever fully u'stand another, even if it's a loved-one.
that newly-wedded girl was prolly acting like that cos she just had a miscarriage and was feeling bad. Sometimes we dun think what others may think of us, we just show our feelings all over our face. Im sorry for her too.
**Most people had learned to put up with this person & with no much choice accepted him too!
I was so shocked to hear abt this guy's death. Yeah we humans always sympathise when tragedy strikes. We dun value ppl when they r alive. Death brings with it an element of deep feelings even for a bad person. Thats human nature, unfortunatley or fortunately.
Keshi.
At 4:45 AM,
my life.... said…
i do agree with u that some ppl treat frenship like dirt bag. when they feel like talking to u, then they talk.. itherwise they ignore.. its looks as if frenship is based on their mood.... i hate this kind of ppl.. in fact i heve encountered that personally... i don t know why she did that to me too...its sad when such things happen and these ppl don t understand the value of frenship
At 8:38 AM,
Itchingtowrite said…
i would hate to be treated hot and cold like this. though perhaps it was mood swings.. who knos. may be u shud find out rather than take it to heart
At 8:57 AM,
Unknown said…
yeah a soul-stirring post
At 11:13 AM,
Pritika Gupta said…
Regarding first one i can only say.. there are some times some personal conditions which make person unwilling to talk to another..It can be like u avoid speaking to a person slightly close to u in fear tht u will open ur heart to him/her. It can be like she might be facing family prob which she didnt wanted to discuss with anyone.. then when everything went fine she was back to routine.. This some times happen to me also.. if im not feeling fine.. or sth irritating me then i cant behave artificially with other..!! I m trying to change.. but still not possible..
At 12:45 AM,
mommyof2 said…
Speaking bad about the dead is not right and I guess death is the worst thing that already happened to that person & by talking bad about him we don't want to feel guilty & bad.
And about ur "friend", I don't like these kind of people. I think if you have problem with someone, just talk about it but you can't just change ur behaviour whenever you feel like it..
At 8:08 AM,
Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said…
Yeah...I neva understood human mentality too...
People do act weird majority of the times..I just neva understood why :))
At 10:51 AM,
Shanthi said…
i feel that life is very uncertain and anything can happen to anyone at any time... so the best way is to be good individuals to everyone and help them as much as we can and enjoy our life now without any hatred or hard feelings... though not very much possible can achieve atleast 15 % of that and that will make a big change for us and others :D
At 12:45 PM,
Artnavy said…
sympathy brings out the best in us and helps forget the worst in others
but i wonder why no one told the man so when he was not doing his job in the right spirit- may be he did not even know better
At 9:00 PM,
Syam said…
I guess everybody goes thru this...r u back...
At 9:08 AM,
Raz said…
behavioural changes are common but too much of anything is not pleasent! be urself and do wht u feel like when someone behaves odd to u!
i wld do that.
when u come to chennai , mail me :D we will catch up
At 6:38 PM,
Sree said…
strange are the ways of mind.. we never know what would strike us unless we experience firsthand.. had a few similar experiences too but then had to let it go and kind of build a wall so that this does not happen any further.. i am searching for an answer too...
At 2:27 AM,
--Sunrise-- said…
'Why is the human attitude thus?'
... because we feel guilty? Or bad? And feel we have to salvage the bitter situation by saying nice things?
At 7:34 AM,
Shiv said…
yea sometimes it is the tendency tat makes us like tat!! but i know many other ppl truly genuine!!
At 9:41 AM,
Aditi said…
well... that is an interesting observation.. its funny how we as ppl tend to be nicer to someone when something tragic befalls them, forgetting that that person is perhaps not that nice to us otherwise..
i guess we dont want to be percieved as that horrible person who wasnt nice in the face of tragedy? could that be it?
At 4:05 PM,
KC! said…
idhellam naanga IT-la vera madhiri parpom :)) When a person is there at work, people speak very high of him, but once he leaves the org, all possible accusations land on his head :)) My manager is an example, he never loses an opportunity to talk about his predecessors!
At 4:54 PM,
Mythreyee said…
its just that you tend to forget differences when u see someone in deep sorrow.. u dont care about the past when u know the person is sufferin and ur heart cant take it... we all have an ounce of humanity within us, no matter what and that humanity doesnt let us hold grudges when even our enemies are in sorrow...
At 6:15 PM,
Pavithra said…
Every person has their positives and negatives. We always see the negatives and make our relationships tougher. If only we could realize that afterall life is short and start appreciating other's positives and ignore their negatives, life would be more pleasant.
At 9:50 AM,
Sreejith Panickar said…
Hi! Hope you are doing well.....
At 12:51 PM,
Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said…
Hi,
There is a tag in my blog. I felt you might be interested 2 write the tag :)
Pls have a look and feel free 2 ignore if you are not interested to write :)
At 1:48 PM,
Thenraj said…
Its a Universal Behavior...
in the first case, people always want some thing from others..the level the person interact with the others depends on what the giver has...
in the second case, the person who is not friendly is not present now as he is dead. At this point of time telling bad things about him is not good..
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