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Friday, September 01, 2006

Bias

Most people care for & love their own people. Why is it that they cannot shower the same amount of care and love for other people too (when others face similar situations in life)?

Even the way they treat, speak & feel for their own people is different compared to others.

Why this bias I wonder?

posted by Has to be me @ 4:38 PM  

31 Comments:

  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger mommyof2 said…

    Now lots of different people can fall into “ours” & “others” category.. I think we try to be nice to everybody we meet but after lots of experience I think “our” people keep reminding you what you did for them and make you feel better(ur ego) while you don’t get the same from “other” people and we think that they didn’t acknowledge what you did for them And after a while you stick with doing good to mostly your “own” people for your own satisfaction (selfish? I know).

     

  • At 10:49 PM, Blogger KC! said…

    I completely agree with the first comment :) sounds very sensible, and I wanted to type the same thing.

     

  • At 12:24 AM, Blogger Hip Grandma said…

    are you sure that people want to be good even to their own?i feel that the world is getting opportunistic day by day and only those who can return favors are treated well.i may be wrong to an extent but i am not too far from truth.

     

  • At 1:13 AM, Blogger Syam said…

    ellorum rooooombbbba naalavangala irukarathu kastam :-)

     

  • At 4:11 AM, Blogger Ram said…

    Well, if everyone starts caring and loving for their own people, then everyone will ultimately be cared for, and loved. Not happening I think.

    On a more serious note, I think its this primal instinct that somehow makes us value and differentiate between intangibles like "mine" and "yours". At some level, I think we need that to survive. If I go through the same intensity of sadness/happiness everytime something bad/good happens, with no differentiation as to who its happening to...well...that's going to take care of my life pretty quickly.

    As momof2 says, I think positive reinforcement also plays a role. People thank you - that's your reward for good behavior - and you are conditioned to repeat it like a good li'l doggy:)

    My humble opinions - and don't blame me, I just drank some microwaved coffee :)

     

  • At 10:06 AM, Blogger Shanthi said…

    i donno... i have felt at times that i am not sweet to everyone :(
    also sometimes i feel that some ppl outside my circle can't understand or accept me as those close to me...

    aasai pattaalum it is difficult to be sweet to some ppl.

     

  • At 10:41 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    It is a difficult question to answer !!But practically it is how much you feel for the other person that makes all the difference in your reaction! Right?

    Rashmi

     

  • At 5:15 PM, Blogger Prasanna Parameswaran said…

    bias and prejudice happens everywhere: whats the most playing factor is not race,color,region,creed or nationality - its thought! when people with same wavelength and mindset frequency meet they get well together and when they disagree the bias arises its ugly head! We feel disgusting seeing beggars - bocz its the thought and we drool seeing cinestars bcoz its the same thought!

     

  • At 4:44 AM, Blogger Shiv said…

    yea...but mostly we cant help it..

     

  • At 7:46 AM, Blogger Sree said…

    Well this again is this "I, Me, Myself, and Mine" in action. I guess it is a very basic instinct to take care of self and surroundings first and only then think of others..

     

  • At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey da! need to contact u! hw do i do it? i find no mail id of urs ne where? mail me at arasirulz@yahoo.com raz here!

     

  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger the Monk said…

    maybe it is easier to identify with your own people?

     

  • At 11:11 PM, Blogger Itchingtowrite said…

    may be becoz the sense of duty/ responsibility towards others is not thyere. also u hope the kith/ kin of others will do the needful for them

     

  • At 6:13 AM, Blogger Junius said…

    maybe because we love OUR people unconditionally
    and OTHER people conditionally....

     

  • At 8:20 AM, Blogger Keshi said…

    I like the way u think. Not many ppl think like that. And the fact that u thought abt this bias tells me ur an unbiased person. And thats a rare.

    I guess most ppl r biased cos they r selfish and ignorant. They fail to realise that the bonds we have here on Earth (as child, parent, sibling, relative etc) r only temporary. While as humans we cant be 100% unbiased, some ppl r overly biased...and it's them that annoy me!

    Keshi.

     

  • At 1:21 PM, Blogger Patty said…

    Am I guilty? When the firefighters/policemen/ etc... call me up and want me to donate to help me take care of their people, I tell them I have enough on my plate finacially trying to take care of my people. There truly is not enough to go around to everyone, so I draw a line.

     

  • At 2:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    H2bee,

    Its all about being insecure and strangers.
    If a stranger begs in NY, we politely give away few cents and run for our lives. But in India, we shut down saying just go and work. Reasons are different: in NY they beg for drugs and in India, they beg for poverty.

    This concept of being helpful to the same family/community has been in India for a long time. If you talk about casteism, we all see it prevails from jobs eekers to admissions. The bias is shown on their community development rather being consider themselves as Indians.

    The same is followed in NA too. Have you seen any one single association with just Indian association of america. No. It starts from state where they divide themselves to become identical in that society due to fear of less power and prosperity.
    Why do you think we have not intialized nationalized rivers in India. if they did, many farmers will have a happy life to eat atleast twice a day.

    "WE" is basically for creation of groups. But that creation exists within the same boundary.

     

  • At 11:19 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Mommy of 2,
    Welcome to my blog. I think I tend to agree with u. While it is nice to see it in this point of view, where u r the giver to "our" or to the "other" person, it isnt nice to be the "other" recipient!

    Usha,
    Pls refer 2 my comment above.

    HG,
    Hmm, you have taken a totally different route from what I was trying to say. In ur own way, you r absolutely right as this is getting to be a more materialistic world.

     

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Syam,
    Kashtam dhan aana atleast oru sincere try koodakalamay!

    Ram,
    "Well, if everyone starts caring and loving for their own people, then everyone will ultimately be cared for, and loved." Wow! Imagine if that were to really happen! I know it isnt practical but atleast sounds good theoritically!

    Shanthi,
    The last line of urs is damn right! but it wld be good if v can overcome such feelings!

     

  • At 11:35 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Rashmi,
    Welcome to my blog & v,well said indeed! All our actions r based on how much we feel fr the other person.

    Indian angel,
    Welcome to my space & I like ur name! Yup, thots can move mountains. :)

    Shiv,
    Right, but do we atleast try to help?

     

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Ks,
    Does that mean that we can get away with anything & everything?!

    Sush,
    Yup it is the basic instinct for sure, but then dont u think we shd overcome the same?

    Raz,
    Will contact u.

     

  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Monk,
    Welcome to my space. Y is it that we have an identity crisis?

    I2W,
    Rnt v assuming that others r there to help them? Also if others r there to help them, does it mean that we shdnt care for them?

    Endevourme,
    Possibly, but why this bias? How r the others different from ur own?

     

  • At 11:44 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Keshi,
    Thank u dear fr the sweet words. Ya those who r totally biased r real sickos to deal with. But sometimes cirumstances r such that u cant avoid dealing with such characters!

    Patty,
    Relax! Im not talking abt the financial aspects at all but the attitude of certain ppl.

     

  • At 11:51 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Priya,
    Agreed that we tend to help within our family / community but dont u think its time we came out of that & think beyond the same? Whats wrong in giving a hand 2 the others as well? Why only help our own & not the rest? Atleaast offer little help whenever / wherever possible.

     

  • At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    H2bee,

    I totally agreed that we need to help people. If not what on earth we are doing huh.
    Well my points aimed at ppl' who looked after themselves and not the outside owrld.

     

  • At 5:55 PM, Blogger mommyof2 said…

    About your comment, Noone said life would be fair..:-)If we differenciate between people and give priority to one over the other, we should be ready for the same.

    And there are so many incidents when I was good to my own people still got third degree from them. Will this effect my thinking? maybe 20% still I think I will keep doing good to them.

    And it doesn't mean I am bad to other people, its just that you give priority to your owns first. thats all:-)

    And don't forget God is in everybody so try to help everybody & do good and If you can't do good at least don't do any bad.

    enough preaching from my side:-)))

     

  • At 4:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I would say,the Bias is a term that exists only in our minds,when you are truely "connected" to a person or people,you become intricately responsive to those you love. You often feel other people s hurts, crisis and their issues as your own and can sometimes have a hard time separating what is yours from what is theirs...

     

  • At 10:03 AM, Blogger Has to be me said…

    Priya,
    oh ok understood

    mommyof2,
    Ya we reap what we sow. Nice to note that u still manage to give good things to ppl despite what they do. That wud make them realise their mistakes. And yes v need to prioritise & above all leave it to Him.

    Lera,
    Welcome to my blog. True connectivity is the key word with the loved ones. At the same time Im just saying that we neednt neglect the rest. :)

     

  • At 5:57 PM, Blogger KK said…

    Its all because of the inter-dependency between people...if we think there is a chance of getting somthing from the other person then the love and care increases...but when we think we wont be getting anything from the other person then everything changes...Just give and take policy nothing more than that :)

     

  • At 5:37 PM, Blogger gils said…

    romba vassthavaman pechu....v grow up with people tellin us dnt trust strangers...hw can u expect to grw out of it in a rush..it all depends on d people u meet in ur life..n ur exp.....paatimaa mathiri enna pesa vachiteley

     

  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger Known Stranger said…

    we are so. whether we are ready to accept or not we are so.

     

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