My little angel
About a year ago I visited one of my colleagues house and they were leaving this place for good. His daughter & my son were classmates in their play skool & were good friends. His daughter is younger to my son by 6 mths & she was barely 2 yrs @ that time.
I've heard from others that this colleague acts a little weird when anything is mentioned about his 'cute' daughter! Meaning he was just too over protective about his daughter.
And funnily I had also experienced the same that day! He wanted to take pics of the kids together & so these 2 kids were posing so sweetly & smiling. HER mom suggested that my son puts an arm around her. And they looked damn cute! And we had some lovely pics together. As soon as the photo session was over, her dad (ie my colleague) tells his 2 yr old daughter "This is ur bhaiya (brother)!!!!" God!! I cudnt control my laughter!!!!
I know each person gets too possessive about parenting their daughter but here they are just 2 years old & still so innocent & to top it up, he was leaving for good & I don't even think these kids have any chance of meeting each other again!
I am not saying it is wrong to call my son her brother, tho their age difference is just 6 months. But the fact that he made my son her brother just cos he put his arm round her for the photos (as suggested by his wife), I think is ridiculous!
On a separate note -
Now that I've a daughter (who is just 9 mths old), I often wonder how I would be as her mother in the years to come. Meaning, will I be too conservative or too modern? Too friendly or too rigid? How much of liberty will I give her? What will be her limits?
I would like to know how each person would react with his / her (real or imaginary) daughter. Where will you draw the line of freedom for your daughter (if / when) you have one?
I've heard from others that this colleague acts a little weird when anything is mentioned about his 'cute' daughter! Meaning he was just too over protective about his daughter.
And funnily I had also experienced the same that day! He wanted to take pics of the kids together & so these 2 kids were posing so sweetly & smiling. HER mom suggested that my son puts an arm around her. And they looked damn cute! And we had some lovely pics together. As soon as the photo session was over, her dad (ie my colleague) tells his 2 yr old daughter "This is ur bhaiya (brother)!!!!" God!! I cudnt control my laughter!!!!
I know each person gets too possessive about parenting their daughter but here they are just 2 years old & still so innocent & to top it up, he was leaving for good & I don't even think these kids have any chance of meeting each other again!
I am not saying it is wrong to call my son her brother, tho their age difference is just 6 months. But the fact that he made my son her brother just cos he put his arm round her for the photos (as suggested by his wife), I think is ridiculous!
On a separate note -
Now that I've a daughter (who is just 9 mths old), I often wonder how I would be as her mother in the years to come. Meaning, will I be too conservative or too modern? Too friendly or too rigid? How much of liberty will I give her? What will be her limits?
I would like to know how each person would react with his / her (real or imaginary) daughter. Where will you draw the line of freedom for your daughter (if / when) you have one?
posted by Has to be me @ 3:35 PM
61 Comments:
At 5:18 PM,
Rajesh &Shankari said…
I dont have a child yet, but my ex-boss always says trust your children and let them know that...and they will never betray you.
It is difficult for me to think hypothetically, but I think I will when she knows to differentiate between right & wrong!
At 5:47 PM,
Neer said…
i would let them be...
At 7:02 PM,
s0ulasylum said…
haha tht was funny.. but i think u wd do just fine.. ! :) so how is it handling two little creations running up n down ur house?? :)
At 7:25 PM,
Syam said…
if he said just like that then its ok...but if he has some reservations in his mind before telling that it would be real stupidity....
children wud select their own style
as they grow, no matter you are conservative,rigid,liberal,modern or whatever... :-)
At 8:28 PM,
KK said…
hahaha...that was very funny...Your colleague was very funny to do like that...We used to play with the girls in our street until 5th std I guess but after that we played but the girls did'nt...
Well children will be themselves, I will guide them until they can realise what's good and whats bad...after that they will do whatever they want to...
At 12:32 AM,
Hip Grandma said…
it doesn't matter how you react she will have a mind of her own.set a good example and she's bound to follow.
At 2:41 AM,
Keshi said…
Interesting post.
I guess some parents r over-protective and believe it or not, that can be bad for the kid. Cos as much as u have to protect ur kids, there's a limit to everything. If u restrict ur kid too much from being what he/she really is and feeling the way they feel, then the consequences can be devastating for both parties.
What ur colleague did was filtering in his daughter at an early age itself with whom she should see as brothers. Maybe he sees putting an arm ard a boy as a bad thing for a girl to do. I think he's being ridiculous. Let the little girl and boy be kids for goddsakes w.o. putting additional data into their heads! Sometimes I feel it's parents who brain-wash their kids and make em maniacs when they grow up.
If I ever have a daughter, I'll let her just be what she is - at the same time guiding her and making sure I'm there to help her out when she needs me. Im sure u'll make a wonderful mum to ur daughter...she's lucky to have u as her mum.
TC
Keshi.
At 3:19 AM,
Butterflies said…
Even if people settle abroad and howevr educated they are...when it comes to their daughter or sister they get possessive....esp Indians!!!!!
At 3:45 AM,
Madhu said…
At that young age maybe it was not rite for the father to do that. but kids do pick up a lot by seeing their parents and elders around, so got to be careful.
yes i can relate to this possessiveness as i have a little sister for whom am very worried. i can somehow never see her as a grownup, so i end up over-protecting her. and it really irritates her. though i never go to extremes, i think i overdo the worry part. anyways now i have learnt to keep a distance and let her handle things on her own. and am happy to see her do it well.
At 4:37 AM,
Anonymous said…
hahah!
Thats funny indeed and wierd too!
Have noticed often girls parents are often over protective of the girls...but for a 2 yr old thats crazy!
At 4:40 AM,
geeth said…
Hmm, the dad may have been too protective over his daughter of 2 years old. I would understand (a bit) if she was a teenager. Then again, if she was a teenager, the more you say it, they more they develop that feelings *wink*
At a young age, I guess I would ask my child to be friendly.. as she grows, she would be taught about genders and feelings.. a family education. Only then, she can do what she wants and I can have a peace of mind that she knows her boundaries.
I know, it is easy to say.. I just hope I can guide her right. It can be tough guiding and providing for a daughter... *sigh*
At 6:09 AM,
Pavithra said…
Sometimes I feel parents get over-protective over their children. Animals and birds let go their younger ones to live the life the way they want but its only with humans that from birth till death parents interfere too much and worry unnecessarily.
How would I be? My mom said, "Give them freedom, they'll never use/misuse it. Be a friend and gain their trust so that they'll consult you without fear". I'll always be there for her as a friend and guide her to take decisions but would never try to force my opinions on her.
At 6:49 AM,
Vishnu said…
crazy!!!!!
alvaukku merninaal amrithamum naju.....i'll be there for her as friend rather as a dad....
Cheers!
:)
At 7:16 AM,
Anonymous said…
There might just be something wrong with your colleague there.. I think being protective is good, but not in a way as to curtail their freedom, talent and thought process.
At 7:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
nice post. it is normal for dads to be protective of their daughters . I have one and even though she is a teen now, he still feels the same.maybe the friend just wanted his daughter to look up to your son as a brother and nothing more because they are so young.girls are cute and they are fun. especially now we are like friends and can sit around and talk and laugh and check out all the fashions and pick stuff out. cant really do all these things with boys.
At 7:55 AM,
Has to be me said…
Shankari,
Thats something interesting! Sure trust is the key factor in any relationship. Thanks for ur contribution.
Neers,
Welcome here. Sure, u sound like a cool mom!
s0ul,
It is lovely to have these 2 cuties @ home but sure they do gimme hell also attimes!
At 7:58 AM,
Has to be me said…
Syam,
True exactly my point....he shd just let the kids be as is & not instigate ideas into their innocent minds.
KK,
Thats a nice way of guiding them. Once they r mature enuff to differentiate whats good & bad for them, it sure helps a lot. I think u wld make a gr8 dad KK! :)
HG,
Thanks for that. I m sure thats a good idea coming from an experienced person like u.
At 8:07 AM,
Has to be me said…
Keshi,
Thanx dear for ur lovely input! Well said. Being over protective (in any aspect) doesnt help the child grow mentally & I feel they then start to lack independence & self confidence. I m sure u wld make a gr8 mom too. And kidz will surely flock to u! I also think u shd've a lotta kids cos Im sure they'll be in love with u! :)
Shuba,
Indians r born that way! Cant do much abt that!
Madhu,
Absolutely right...kids tend to learn knowingly or unknowingly from their parents! My son wants to do all what me & my hubby wanna do! So we are extra careful these days!
At 8:11 AM,
Has to be me said…
Anand,
Ya thats just not the age!
Geetha,
LOL @ family education! Right, once we teach them the pros & cons I guess they wld settle down in their boundaries themselves.
PAvi,
I m sure u wld make a gr8 mom! :) I agree with u that we do tend to worry unnecesarily. But I guess thats jsut our parental instincts.
At 8:15 AM,
Has to be me said…
Vishnu,
Nice 2 note that u wld be a friend.
Srijith,
Totally agree with u.
Starry,
Cant agree more with u. That was one reason y I was soooooooo keen to have a daughter! And thank God, I do! :)
At 8:55 AM,
Ekta said…
god!!
Tell him to give his kid a break...insane guy!
At 10:10 AM,
ishipishi said…
firstly i don think i'd make much of a difference in the way i handle my son or my daughter! the difference wld come in based on their individual personalities...
me thinks that R wld be more protective of our daughter...ummm...he disagrees tho!:)
I had a protective father too...hmmm!!...i luv my dad but i think letting me be wld've made me a diff person! :)
and...hmmmm...i long for a daughter....*sigh*
At 10:21 AM,
Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said…
OH MY GOD!!!
you'll not believe this when I say, my mom behaves exactly the same way which this colleague of yours behaved...
you know thts the reason I neva introduced, till now, any of my female colleagues....the reason being, the very first thing she'll tell me in front of her (whoever she is), "dont forget...she is like your sister"
^%$^$"%$"
Even when I Was getting cured by that cute dentist, mom was with me...and in front of her she said, "didi, will take care of you okie....dont you worry"
%%^%$£$%£$%
Grrr....
If I become father one day then
for my son: No limits....no female will be his sister..so he can go and flirt around
for ma daughter: I'll see to it that no guy ever dares to flirt around with her :)
At 11:12 AM,
Has to be me said…
Ekta,
Believe it or not, we all used to call him insane indeed! :)
Ishita,
Dun worry Im sure u r gonna have a daughter soon! I remember how I was also craving for one!
z000nie,
Ur mom is the bestest cos she seems to know her son toooo well! ;) I think u got ur mom wrong, probably she was more worried abt the other women than u!!!!!! :D
U c thats y she says to u that she is like ur sister & not the other way around (that u r her brother to her!!) Samjhe? ;)))
At 11:29 AM,
Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said…
I'm not introducing any female to her anymore....
Damn..I was flirting around with ma dentist and suddenly sister??
YIKESSSSSSSSS!!!!!
At 1:17 PM,
smiley said…
i used to think about it, but the girls seem to find their way. maybe lessons from mom?
At 2:37 PM,
Priya said…
I don't agree the concept of being over protective. What happens if that girls finds a different boy when grown up. Can she call all boys brothers???
I think they shud enjoy their childhood and just be friends. When they grow up, they will understand each other pretty well. Not all friendship leads to love!!!
At 3:08 PM,
Krithika said…
ohh! cutee post..and frm wat i've learnt frm reading this post,i think u wud be a conservative as well as a friendly mother.cos all moms go thru the period of -oh my god,look at my daughter-
first time here and new to blogging too..pls read my blog and post in ur comments:)
At 4:57 PM,
Has to be me said…
z000nie,
Sorry fr the tough luck buddy!
Smiley,
And what does ur wife have to say abt it?! ;)
Priya,
Exactly my point too! :)
Krithika,
ok shall check u out. Thanks fr dropping by! :)
At 5:09 PM,
KK said…
//I think u wld make a gr8 dad KK!//
you made me feel old :( I aint that old ;)
At 5:48 PM,
gils said…
well...u dint say anything frm d kids angle..imagine kk posing with a gal like tt n tt gals dad tellin KK...."Inthaamaa..annava sevichuko" ithai kettu KK evlo "Sandosha" paduvar ;) ...i guess it wud've been an off d cuff remark...generally gal kids are more violent than guys..athunalaa kooda irukalaam :)...en cousin akka kita naan vaangina adi enaku thaan theriyum...kovam vandha samyathila kadichiduva..ipo ava ponnu avala mathiriye iruku :) annanu solita..same blood no tastenu vitrumnu ninakren.. :) jokes apart interesting post...ur kid is sure lucky to get a gud understanding mom like u...just to add...mine is the best :)
At 6:40 PM,
Ram said…
Hehehehe, funny! You know in school and college people used to immediately call others their brothers and/or sisters to avoid getting teased with them. Raksha Bandhan was a cause of great concern all around. That's as ridiculous as this...That dude is going to go through hell as he watches his daughter grow up into a stunner *wink*.
While its ok for Dad's to be protective - this is a little over the top. I guess it all depends on how much you trust your own daughter and in what kind of environment you have raised them.
But aside from all that - I can see that you are loving all these experiences hastobeme - the joys of parenthood and all that comes with it! Good for you!
At 7:12 PM,
Mukund said…
having brought up in an extremely orthodox n conservative setup, it has done more harm to me than good! I shall certainly not do the same with my children. I shall be there for them as a friend with a shoulder to lean on anytime....
At 6:12 AM,
Shanthi said…
i will not differentiate between my son or daughty. i will treat them the same and i would love them to treat me as their big stupid friend : )
At 7:05 AM,
chitra said…
I think , you should not take much too note of what her father said. Let the children;s be left alone. Why get into any relation?
And as far as drawing lines are concerned, we never know what the world would be like then. We should be good friends to them and give them the confidence so that they can share everything with us , which would help us guide them when they go astray.
At 7:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
from what I remember from my growing up days...I was probably the oly one in my circle with the most amount of freedom.
And all friends who ad very coservative parents went all far out when they actualyy got a chance!!
I'd be pretty liberal I think, coz that's the only way I know and I have been brought up that ways.
Children who make thier own choices and are allowed to make their own mistakes are more well adjusted I think!
At 8:09 AM,
geeth said…
Hi.. did your tag already ;P
At 1:34 PM,
rachana said…
hmmm nice post! i have 2 daughters.and the age diff of my eld one and myself is just 21 years!!she is more like my friend.at times we need to be conservative and at times a bit modern.but nothing is a rule as such, every situation and evry mom and daughetr is unique..
At 1:43 PM,
prithz said…
Whoaaaaaaaa!!! Crazzy father.. I have never got such a comment frm my dad or my mom!!! When i was in class 4-5, i used to play wid my neighbours' sons.. who were nearly 2-3 years elder to me...My parents wouldnt care... not that they gave me too much freedom.. liek u said, i guess they knew v would be meetin those guys in anotehr few years... and now, its more than 10 years since i have seen those guys... :(
Anyways, on parenting, i dunno wat to comment... i will go thru the comments and probably learn frm them. I have often been worried abt the kinda mother i wuld make... anyways, long way to go.. :(
At 1:54 PM,
Keshi said…
**I feel they then start to lack independence & self confidence.
Spot on!
Keshi.
At 3:21 PM,
Has to be me said…
KK,
LOL! I didnt mean to make u so old. I meant that u wld be a gr8 dad...whenever u become one! :)
Gils,
Pavum KK! Enum indha commenta padikala polairruku....illaina heart break than!
Girls r more violent than boyz? Thats news to me!
Thanx fr ur compliment.
That that mom the best for that that kid! :)))
Ram,
Yup I remember the rakhi days where all guys wld prefer remaining indoors & wld avoid looking @ the girls!LOL! That was so much fun. Thanks for those lovely words.
At 3:27 PM,
Has to be me said…
Vakil,
Thanx fr sharing ur fatherly instincts! ;) Sikirum kalyanam agatum!
Shanthi,
LOL@ stupid friend
Chitra,
Absolutely
At 3:30 PM,
Has to be me said…
chandni,
"Children who make thier own choices and are allowed to make their own mistakes are more well adjusted I think!" Well said.
Geetha,
Will check it out.
Rachna,
Thats interesting! Sure u 2 wud be more of friends. True each relation is unique
At 3:31 PM,
Has to be me said…
Prithz,
It might not be so long! *wink* Just enjoy the days now as parenthood is no joke & it means a lotta responsibilities.
Keshi,
Thanx :-)
At 5:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
It's probably wishful thinking on the colleagues part. I would probably do the same as you, keep an eye out and be very protective. Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm very glad you enjoy my latest work! :o)
At 6:35 PM,
gils said…
tt mom tt kid...haha...visu padam neriya paapelo :)
At 12:56 AM,
Pousumi said…
Nice post...scares me to think about this person's life 10 or 12 years from now when the daughter enters her teens....
I dont have any kids , but i would want to teach my son to accept a no when a woman says so and my daughter to say no when she means to.
At 7:09 AM,
Has to be me said…
Jon,
Good 2 note the same. Thanx fr stopping by.
Gils,
Aiyoooo......:(
Pousumi,
Thanks for visiting my blog & I too like u wonder that poor girl's life few yrs down the lane! I like what u said! :)
At 8:04 AM,
Movie Mazaa said…
yhPretty much interesting discussion going on here! :)
I wonder how far the setting of limits would work as days and years pass by. The current generation is so fiercely independent that I have often felt, the more the barriers the more are the tendencies to break free.
I guess I would just let them be!
:)
At 8:05 AM,
smiley said…
My wife says... depends :)
At 9:02 AM,
Mukund said…
naan nanna irukkaradu pidikkalaya?? ippadi kalyanam agattum'nu asirvadham ellam panrel?? :)
At 9:33 AM,
Has to be me said…
Velu,
Yes tell me abt this generation! Yup they are way ahead of urs!
Smiley,
I thot u already have a daughter! And whats ur view point? ;)
Vakil,
Ellam naam petra inbum....style than!! ;p
At 10:20 AM,
Sree said…
One insecure father he is :-))).... but yup.. there are quite a few people like him around.. but it is mostly moms I have seen displaying such behavior :-)).
Coming to the approach towards raising a girl child, I think one would know only when one crosses the bridge, do keep us posted as to how you feel in the growing years.. nice blog.
At 11:10 AM,
prithz said…
Hey, i wish to be single for longer... dunt wanna take to parenting so soon... vitta, "16 petthu... blah blah... kadaisila rendodu vaazhga" nu vaazhithuvinga polla irruke!!! LOL!!!
At 11:13 AM,
Itchingtowrite said…
I would try to as best instil good valuesin her and focusing on making her a good human being . the rest I belive will take its on course. I would trust her to take the right decision. I'll definitely guide her and intervene if she is on the wrong according to me, I will educate her on the good & the bad.. but I guess beyond a point you can't control another person.
& why only a girl, I have 2 boys & the same applies to them also. They should know what is on and what is absolutely no no. I will definitely not shirk my responsibilities to the society by being indifferent to what my boys are doing.
At 12:16 PM,
PNA said…
oh my god! ridiculous .......
but cause for a laugh .....heehee:)
ash
At 2:55 PM,
Patty said…
Having read my posts, I guess you already know lots of my ideas about raising children. Having had two daughters, I can say I did things differently each time, but in general I worked like the dickens to instill the values and personal space boundries that I wanted for them when they were small and I still had some control over things, and by the time it became an issue (ie. dating) gave them the freedom to sort it out for themselves.
I also think there is a lot of truth to the notion that if our daughters feel love and affection from a male figure in their lives they will not be in such a hurry to seek it from someone else.
At 3:35 PM,
Has to be me said…
Sush,
Firstly, welcome 2 my blog. Hey Im surprised to note that mom's are also thus! I somehow have related men (i.e dads to this)!
Prithz,
Not necessary that u need to be married to have kidz!!! he he he!! ;) Just jokin okie!!
itchingtowrite,
Welcome here & u;ve a lovely name! I like your concept of making her a good human being.
At 3:37 PM,
Has to be me said…
Ash,
Yup hilarious indeed!
Patty,
Ya u r one hec of a parent! An ur last sentence is so damn true!
At 2:07 PM,
smiley said…
when u come from a totally boy's world, u tend to hesitate..... but my dughters seem to be be very graceful even in awkward situations. well i am learning the girl's world :)
At 8:22 PM,
How do we know said…
One thing I have learnt.. that all kids stray in the first quarter or so of their life, and INVARIABLY, they come back to being what their parents were in terms of values. If they come from conservative families, they are bohemian for along time, and then slowly, they start wondering why their wives dress up in revealing clothes all the time.
So, I would just make sure that the house lives as one wants the kids to be when they grow up. And then leave them to stray. Their values will not be the same as mine. One can just hope.
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