Between peers
If u thot this post has to do with some management topic.........u got it wrong!!!
The peers in this post are my 3 yr old son & his friends! They are all such show offs! Each morning when I drop him off @ skool, each boy (including my son) would have something new to brag about....just to give u some samples.....
"Look @ my new spiderman bag"
or
"See I've got a new batman T-shirt"
or
"I went for go-carting yesterday"
if not
"I got a new play station" etc.
Naturally kids being kids, they wanna have the same thing that their friends have or do the same as their friends! So their demands are more, for the sake of friends, than to really satisfy their needs / wishes. And I was wondering how would the not-so-well-to-do parents cope with such high demands from their kids? To give an example...
As soon as my son's birthday party was over, I was dropping off about 4 kids to their houses. Enroute, I asked the kids, "So, did u enjoy the birthday party?" One of them spontaneously said, NO & I was taken aback cos I knew the kids had a blast. And then he added, but next year I'll also have my bday party here!
Then only I realised that this kid didnt have a party on his bday & was actually referrin to his b'day party & I felt so sad for him.
I can't believe that kids @ this young age have already fallen a prey to peer pressure! And who has to face the brunt of it? None but the parents!
I love getting new clothes, shoes, toys etc for my son but then he shouldn't take things for granted nor should he demand for the same. Also he should not be branded as spoilt. I would like him to enjoy too!
So far, thankfully haven't really had this problem but then how do I handle it as he grows? Yes, I could probably speak to him & make him understand the same. But it is easy for kids to succumb to their friends.
I remember, when I was a kid, one of my classmates used to steal new erasers, new pencils etc from other children! Not only that, she also used to steal money from her parents just to buy things that she wanted to have. Ofcourse not all kids are thus but as parents, it is our prime responsibility to teach these to our children & to instil the right things in them.
So how can we as parents help our kids handle peer pressure? Any suggestions?
The peers in this post are my 3 yr old son & his friends! They are all such show offs! Each morning when I drop him off @ skool, each boy (including my son) would have something new to brag about....just to give u some samples.....
"Look @ my new spiderman bag"
or
"See I've got a new batman T-shirt"
or
"I went for go-carting yesterday"
if not
"I got a new play station" etc.
Naturally kids being kids, they wanna have the same thing that their friends have or do the same as their friends! So their demands are more, for the sake of friends, than to really satisfy their needs / wishes. And I was wondering how would the not-so-well-to-do parents cope with such high demands from their kids? To give an example...
As soon as my son's birthday party was over, I was dropping off about 4 kids to their houses. Enroute, I asked the kids, "So, did u enjoy the birthday party?" One of them spontaneously said, NO & I was taken aback cos I knew the kids had a blast. And then he added, but next year I'll also have my bday party here!
Then only I realised that this kid didnt have a party on his bday & was actually referrin to his b'day party & I felt so sad for him.
I can't believe that kids @ this young age have already fallen a prey to peer pressure! And who has to face the brunt of it? None but the parents!
I love getting new clothes, shoes, toys etc for my son but then he shouldn't take things for granted nor should he demand for the same. Also he should not be branded as spoilt. I would like him to enjoy too!
So far, thankfully haven't really had this problem but then how do I handle it as he grows? Yes, I could probably speak to him & make him understand the same. But it is easy for kids to succumb to their friends.
I remember, when I was a kid, one of my classmates used to steal new erasers, new pencils etc from other children! Not only that, she also used to steal money from her parents just to buy things that she wanted to have. Ofcourse not all kids are thus but as parents, it is our prime responsibility to teach these to our children & to instil the right things in them.
So how can we as parents help our kids handle peer pressure? Any suggestions?
posted by Has to be me @ 11:26 AM
47 Comments:
At 3:16 PM,
Patty said…
As my kids were growing up and wanting certain things, I would try and figure out why they wanted them. If I decided they wanted them because they liked the style then I might be inclined to help them out with purchasing it. If they wanted it just because the other kids "had that brand," I would give them the amount of money to buy a regular brand and they would have to earn the difference to buy the higher priced brand. Once they were of a certain age I would give them a dollar amount (that we agreed upon together) for the school year and that was it..... When it was gone they were on their own. They learned quickly how to budget and get the most for their money, and within this system there isn't much room to "keep up with the Jones." All of my kids get more excited about a good deal than they do about a name brand. Now a name brand AT a good deal....... that is the best of both worlds.
Follow your gut and you will do just fine with your son!
At 5:01 PM,
Sarah said…
Kids don't get in to peer pressure on their own.. they learn it from their parents.. We tend to show off and they learn it from us.. We judge people on what they wear, how they walk, the car they drive etc.. they watch us and do the same! albiet at a younger age..
At 5:38 PM,
prithz said…
That was a wonderful post!!! Made me think, made me realise. Probably, i too had given such trouble to my parents.
My parents mostty would never say no, when i ask them something. At the same time, they would not immediately get me watever i demand. They would set targets for me - like i score well, help mom in this... so on... later, when they felt i was mature enough, they would openly tell me that we are infact a middle class family and dat i need to wait until i earn so that i can get my stuff...
Sometimes, i feel, such words really made me set my goals and gave me a drive to work, so that one day,i can get those i want for myself, as well as get my parents watever they want in life.
Y not try that... hope it works...take care...
At 5:53 PM,
KK said…
Nice question.
I don't know how much of a brand freaks girls are but boys generally are brand freaks. That's what I conclude looking at myself.
I think talking to them and making them understand that peer pressure is not a good reason to buy stuff is a nice way of handling.
Whenever I used to ask my dad for something, he never used to say a immediate no, but find out why I want it and if it will help me learn something. Only then he used to buy it. If not he used to explain to me why its not worth buying. Though sometimes I have not agreed, time has always made me understand that my dad was rite.
At 6:38 PM,
Rajesh &Shankari said…
Hi, I have been thinking a lot abt this, read my blog article today
At 7:04 PM,
SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said…
I really dont know as I dont have kids...I didnt give in to peer pressure as my parents never gave in to it...They were never the show off types who were into the competition wagon n naturally when I didnt see those important people being bothered by it, I too was not drawn to it...I guess we learn from wht we watch...We have to teach our kids tht we have other identies other than wht our peer do n the best way to show them tht is by example...For instance, I wont go and do this n tht for my kid (ok now I am typing like I am going ot have a kid :) ) so tht he feels tht he too is at par with his friends. U have a very interesting question lady!
At 7:11 PM,
rachana said…
i think it's easy!! the way we parents carry ourselves,, talk and behave that has great impact..i am mumma of two and at times i just show or talk to my daughetrs that there are less privileged children...and my eld daughetr celebrates her b'day by helping any poor child in her own little way..and she decided that on her own!i never asked her to do that.. your son is just 3 so he is too young..but yes i can say it all depend on us..there are many ways to enjoy!!
At 11:09 PM,
Priya said…
H2bee,
Never had a peer pressure in my days except my older one used to grab my things at home. All old ones do that huh...
My parents were simple and taught me the same. Just manage with what you have.
At 11:38 PM,
Jinguchakka said…
Excuse me, I am single and know nothing abt this!
:-)
At 1:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 2:33 AM,
Anand said…
Very well written!
I agree completely..if u look at kids these days they hardly look and behave like kids..they already seem to be adults!....
And the amt of demands they have are unbelieveable..and purely coz of peer pressure..
Think the imp part is for parents to be able to put their foot down and say no to kids where appropriate!
Unless parents keep giving in..this problem will continue!
At 4:14 AM,
Keshi said…
Good post.
Im not a parent yet but I see my cousins/friends spoiling their kids way too much. Just last week one of my cousins had her 5yr old daughter's bday party and it was in grand style with a special clown invited and a Castle cake worth abt $150. While not all the kids who attended r so rich, I just wonder what wud have been going thru some of those kids' minds. I feel all kids should be given the privilige to grow up in such luxuries but not all parents can afford to! At the same time, it's not good to bring up kids getting used to so much luxury...cos kids should u'stand from the very beginning that life is really not so rosy.
Keshi.
At 7:00 AM,
Vishnu said…
tats a gud Q! but am not the correct person to answer cos am single :P
tou... we have to explain them "verallukku etha vikkam venu", thats wat i'll do...
we can spend for necessity but not for luxry, we are responsible for explaning the things to the kids....
happy parenting :)
Cheers!
:)
At 8:34 AM,
geeth said…
Can't blamce the kids.. it's the surroundings. But then, it makes it real ough for us parents too. Sometimes fulfilling their request is difficult!
I would have to deal it one by one.. as it comes ;P
At 9:12 AM,
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 9:30 AM,
Junius said…
i think parents need to make sure that the kid i not evaluated based on his performance...marks...ablilities etc.
if we tell someone 'be positive u too can get good marks...' we are actually telling him that something is wrong with him...
basically a child has to understand that he is 'fundamentally OK'...
the measure of success should be based on character and not personality/outward performance...
At 9:54 AM,
Ekta said…
very true has,
sometimes when i look at kids these days..it almost scares me at how fast kids grow up these days and they dont seem to have their innocence anymore!
They arwe soo pressurised even at such an early age amd more often than not unfortunately its parents who create these pressures by giving in to kids!
At 9:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 1:59 PM,
Ganesh Ranganathan said…
First of all, make it clear to your kid, what he can have and what he can't....draw a clear line and then dont compromise on that....
At 3:51 PM,
Pavithra said…
I had a post in mind .. parents need to be examples to their children and be strict when they should. Simplicity always helps..when ur child says X has this and so he wants it we could say Y doesn't and millions of Y's don't and could teach them to be humble. One day they'll realize that, this lesson was useful.
At 4:02 PM,
Syam said…
//ne of my classmates used to steal new erasers//
its there every where...when I was doing my 8th std, we caught one of our classmate redhanded while stealing a pencil, and checked his back there were hundreds of erasers,pencils,pens etc..etc..
At 4:13 PM,
starry said…
Nice post and it is getting to be a major problem with kidz these days. my cousin has 2 girls 8 and 12.they dont have one bithday party but three, its like they party all month long. a party for school friends, one for family and one for her really good friends. I think it is ridiculous. one party should do. I am not their mother but I think it is not teaching a child anything. I have 2 kids and tried as much as possible to give them a balanced life. sometimes we did go and buy stuff that the other kids had just not to make them feel left out.but did not get them everything the next child had. because it will never end and they will grow up thinking that they have to keep up with the person next door.Too much emphasis is made on material things. There is a lot of peer pressure but there will always be some kind of pressure from toys upwards. Its knowing when to say no.
At 9:56 PM,
Scoot said…
hmmm I am no parent and this is a tough one but I think if we try to inculcate in our children that anything that has been given with a lot of love should be appreciated....maybe if that's put into their heads from the beginning they maybe able to understand.I remember my parents kept showing me pictures of the kids in Somalia who would be totally deprived of food,clothing,water and hygiene and how precious the basic things in life are.
Somehow we never had the 'brand' ambitions of acquiring cool stuff like kids today do.Blame it on a lot of tv,ads,the net and the peers also.
At 12:24 AM,
Butterflies said…
I was discussing the same issue to my neighbouur...i think i had this prob...in my young age...but things will get normal as kids grow!!!!
At 8:20 AM,
Has to be me said…
Patty,
Nice way 2 reason out. shall hope to inculcate some good habits with my kidos!
Sarah,
Maybe its partly true in the cases I have seen as well but I dont think it is always true.
Prithz,
Damn good 2 note that. My parents also used to set high targets fr me & used to ensure that I achieve the same. But it seems so difficult to adopt with my son! Maybe I can do so with my daughter when shes older but boyz are boyz....brats! :)
At 8:44 AM,
Has to be me said…
KK,
Oh! tell me abt brands! Boys r indeed so very brand conscious! Me personally brands doesnt matter much. But like u, even fr my hubby, brands mean a lot. And Im sure my son wud follow suit! :( Thanks fr that tip....hope it clicks! :)
Shankari,
Checked the same & commented too :)
Scribblez,
Thanks sweety! True for kids the parents r the role models & tend to imbibe many things from them. I was seldom bogged by peer pressure as a kid. Just hoping my kids wld follow suit! :p
At 8:47 AM,
Has to be me said…
Rachana,
WOW! Im v.impressed by ur daughter! Thats such a nice gesture esp for her too do it on her own. I have also been talking to my son abt orphans & the under priveledged. Hope he understands!
PRiya,
Sibling fight eh?! Must be fun 2 look @ now!
JC,
Hope u get married soon & have kids so that u can contribute to the same!!! :D
At 8:50 AM,
Has to be me said…
Anand,
Thank ya! Yup its better to nip it in the bud. True that kids r much more mature these days than what they shd be.
Keshi,
Ya tell me abt bday parties & the amt spent there. Its a such a waste of money. Here also the parents spend soooo lavishly for their kids party & naturally other kids fall prey to the same. It is sad indeed. Wish the money was spent wisely.
Vishnu,
Thank u. :)
At 8:58 AM,
Has to be me said…
Geetha,
Right! Better to cross the bridge when it comes!
Endevourme,
Thats an excellent point brought out by u. Thanks. True by saying so u r actually subconsciously undermining the capacity of the child.
Ekta,
I think parents tend to give into the kids cos of the love for kids but by doingso, I think they fail to realise that they r kinda spoling the kid too.
At 9:00 AM,
Has to be me said…
Ganesh,
Will probably do so when my sons a little older.
Pavithra,
True. I also do that to my son. I tell him that the kids in the orphanage do not have parents nor can they actually afford many things.
Syam,
Doing it in 8th std? oh my! In my eg it was in the 5th std!
At 9:04 AM,
Has to be me said…
Starry,
U r so rite abt the bday parties these days! Its way too much. Wish they spend more sensibly. Ya kids can feel so left out so easily within their circle of friends.
Maya,
Thats a valid point. They need to appreciate all gifts given with so much love.
Shuba,
Hmmm so now u have become more smarter eh?! Good!!
At 9:39 AM,
Anonymous said…
brilliant post and a very pertinent point..
first of all, parents need to understand that the pressure is for real. Brushing aside a child's demands or plea is highly insensitive and just shows how ignorant parents are of thier child's situation....while it is imp for children to understand that they cant get all that they want or others have...at the same time they must feel that their parents are open to listening to them and are trying their best to do whatever they can..
this is what I teach the trainers on peer pressure :)
At 12:19 PM,
How do we know said…
Hi Has: My first visit here.. and I've been missing something all this while!!
Agree with Patty and with Chandni..its not their fault.. its the fault of the world that we adults give them.. However, my grandmother used to handle it best. She used to tell me "Sab kuen mein koodenge to tum bhi koodoge?" (If everyone else is jumping into a well to die, will you do that too?") - I grew up with that... and it made me pretty insensitive to what everyone else was doing! :-)
At 1:41 PM,
Has to be me said…
Chandni,
Thank u. U hit the nail bang on the head! Thats exactly my point to. As parents we shd lend a ear to the kids & also try & help them cope as much as possible & help them differentiate. Well said.
How do we know,
Welcome to my blog & thank u fr the lovely compliment. :) Guess what? I also often tend to quote the same thing to my son...however as hes still young im not sure he ifs got the meaning! :)
At 2:59 PM,
Hip Grandma said…
you are right.kids aged 2 and 3 are facing 'peer pressure'!you've set me thinking.what do we do abt it?thanx for stopping at my blog.will go thro' yours in greater detail
At 3:18 PM,
s0ulasylum said…
i think kids these day are far more advanced than what we were as kids.. i was taken aback when i wore a DKNY t shirt in india and my 6 year old cousin points it out and says. ohh ur wearing donna karen .. even mamma has tht.. even i have one dress.. and im like whaaaa????!!! so brand conscious its scary.. but abt peer pressure, one way i think it can be handled is by making thm earn their rewards.. like a friend of mine does.. she teaches the kids to be helpful around the house.. just small things like look after your brother for two hours and i'll give you one hour of tv time. so they understand the value of what they are getting.. i just gave a random example.. also to constantly remind them that they should not take what they have for granted.. i wonder if thrs another way?! :(
At 4:17 PM,
Has to be me said…
hipG,
Welcome to my blog & glad that I got ya thinking! Hope u can come out with a wise solution!
Soul,
Whoa! Ur 6 yr old cousin shakes me up too! Kids r justs over smart these days. Wonder where they r heading & how they r gonna shape up! :S
At 4:34 PM,
Shanthi said…
I have a kutty niece. I used to be so proud of her. I used to tell my mom that unlike my neighbor's child my niece never boast of any of her things and she never wants others things also.
I was thinking why my niece is different from that other girl... I was telling my mom that may be since she is growing up with everything she needs she doesn't boast or desire for others things..
If we go to a bookshop and buy books for her say i choose a book for her and she chooses one for herself and then my brother chooses one for her then she will come home and give us the books saying "Atha here is ur book, daddoo here is ur book" and she will happily have her book alone.
When she was once playing with the toys and the other girl came and joined her it all went well for a while... that other girl started saying "idhu ondhu... idhu endhu..." (when everything was my niece's!) My anni was watching everything and she said if she stays in India for some more time she will become like that othe girl : )
Not too sure abt this topic...
Let me see how she behaves now and how my other b's daughty behaves and how they behave with each other : ) Then maybe i could understand whether all kids are same :D
At 8:56 PM,
KK said…
you called boyz brats??? :o
We dont like to be bribed, so we dont do what ever parents say and get a gift for doing the work... :) Jus kiddin :)
At 1:33 AM,
Keshi said…
It's not even the money being spent, it's the values parents teach the kids...cos from childhood itself they need to know that we cant have everything we want in life and that what matters more is a good heart - not a barbie bday cake.
Keshi.
At 6:24 AM,
Movie Mazaa said…
my nephew fortunately, is one who doesnt let himself to be bogged down by this kinda peer pressure, and the few occasions that we get to know abt it, is when he subtly lets out comments regarding the latest kiddo murmurs on the rounds!
:)
just wanted to let u know that I hv blogrolled u!;) :)
At 8:20 AM,
Has to be me said…
Shanthi,
U seem to have a sweet niece who seems to be contented with what she has! thats good 2 note.
KK,
:D, But isnt that the truth? Boyz r brats indeed!! Or maybe I can rephrase it slightly & call them cute brats!! ;)
At 8:25 AM,
Has to be me said…
Keshi,
U r absolutely right. Imparting good values is the key of parenting. However the otherside to this is the parents' love fr their kids, which does tend to blind them. Most parents love to get all that they can for their kids to make them happy & fail to realise that they r spoiling their kids by doing so.
Velu,
Smart nephew u've! (& Im sure u r likely to say that he has taken after his uncle!!!! :D) Thanks fr blog rolling me. Have added u as well.
At 9:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
For this reason in some schools nowadays kids are not allowed to bring any funky cool stuff from home. In fact, my friend was telling me the other day that in her son's school, even the tiffin has been dictated by the school. Yeah!that seems too much! but reading ur post, I felt it is maybe the right thing to do.
At 1:04 PM,
Known Stranger said…
ask my dad. you will get a shock of your life ? first thing he will say - give your kid, food, shelter and love and nothingmore - he will cope up himself dont give too much of care and moms sentiments.
but make him to learn how to make his own toys and new things to show of his friends . mostly his friends would buy or what his parents give them as presnet but make your son know the worth of making himeself. give him all the tools and let him make himself a toy or what ever painting a box etc..
he will have pride to tell his peers he made himself.
you wont be at first liked but it really makes your little son interenstign but the problem is how many of todays fahters know to do self carpentary, arts and crafts, or show the interst of paining, etc to have their kids creativity come out.
what the father is is what the kid is.
this i learnt from my dad.
when i was young - though he was a manager of a bank - did carpentry work of makign chair, desk, berow and with the left out wood, i will craft my gun, stck, ofcourse he will give me the sketch and after few years while was in 6-7 class could make few works out of wood, then he would do craft of building houses of card boars..
there are way... we are loosing the grounds on the search of money and sophitication of life.
i include myself. i find my neice growing in full mordern world \
\
fine i am younger to you and have virtue you to talk on this issue yet sharign what i felt
At 4:29 AM,
Ram said…
You know, I was watching an episode of That 70's Show and Red Forman was telling his wife about how kids have it so easy and so on...not true. Kids have a much more difficult time growing up these days as there are so many trials at every step of their young lives...
I think that the most basic lesson they should learn is to somehow understand that they are more fortunate than others in many ways...perhaps then they will not be looking at what their peers have and appreciate what they have that their peers don't have...
Your last couple of posts have been wonderful!
Ram
At 6:16 PM,
ishipishi said…
well..firstly sorry i cldn't get here sooner!...and abt d post, face it...peer pressure is real and tellin our kids that they need to be reasonable...esp. at such a young age...that wld be an unreasonable demand on our part...as they grow older, we cld try talking to them about it. From what i recall of my childhood, at a certain age i kind of understood what maa wld try and tell me @ reasonable vs. unreasonable demands...
i don think we can set out some clear cut dos and dont's...each kid is diff and parents sensitive to their child's emotions and needs will figure out a way of handling the child...
here at home, with vedant...it's papa who indulges and mummy who restrains...we try and strike a balance and not go overboard...but yep me thinks he's a bit too pampered but not obnoxiously so...hmmmmm, and he makes a very nice big bro to his younger cousins...shows a nice attitude @ sharing and caring...so all hopes not lost! yet..! JK :)...
tc...g'nite...will be back later again:) to comment on d later posts:)...
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